Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize