Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
