You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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