my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
