He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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