how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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