you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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