shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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