Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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