when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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