I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
