When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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