People with herpes should wear stickers.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
