just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
