If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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