Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
