24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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