Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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