4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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