I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
