i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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