New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
