I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
