Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
