it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
