Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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