well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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