craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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