Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
