so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Duck Duck Cougar?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
