@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
