i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
