Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
