literally had 100 drinks last night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
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Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize