he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
