This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
