Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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