she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
