I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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