She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
