i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think people are normalizing furries
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
