i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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