Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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