I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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