So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
