he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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