I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
