Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
soo... how was my night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
