I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Fuck appropriateness.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
