Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
