Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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