Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
