in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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