Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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