i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
