id be glad to
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
