What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
