what if every blade of grass was a penis?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
