dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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